I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
