so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
