:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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