love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
