Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
