i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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