He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
