The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
