smell my finger.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
