I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
