nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
