I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
