took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
