Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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