At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
