saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
