dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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