The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
