Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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