dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
