Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
do nipples grow back?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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