just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
