you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
