Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
