just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
