I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
