rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
