I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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