No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Randomize
