It was confusing and full of hummus
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
