i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
