I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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