I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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