I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
