Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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