Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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