but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
