I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
