He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
