I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
