What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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