when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
