can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
