It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
