i was born a porn star she said
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
