So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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