And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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