i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
