that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
