We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
