This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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