with your own penis?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
