our cab driver is having phone sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
